My Graham/Grams

It's late and I have a lot on my mind. I've had a lot on my mind period lately. You know those big life altering ideas, questions, problems. Mix in my last week of maternity leave and you may or may not get a big emotional basket case.

I don't even know how it happened. I don't remember how my thoughts transitioned anymore. But somehow as I was holding my Graham, my thoughts turned to my other Gram; my Grandma. I could see her perfectly. Sitting in her green chair at Sunset. The radio blaring as she listened to one of Uncle Bob's church services. I could hear her voice.

Then cue the tears.

I wanted to hear her voice talk about him. I could hear the conversation. She'd asked if he was a good baby as her wrinkly old manicured hands rubbed his round bald head. I'd tell that he's a great baby; he's calm, sweet, incredibly smiley, and a great sleeper. She asked how many times he wakes up during the night. When I tell her once, sometimes not at all, she'd call me "giiiiiiiiiiiirl" and tell me how lucky I am while Elias squeezed her finger. And somewhere between talking about the new love of my life and her talking about how she didn't like the newborn stage with her kids, she'd remind Colin that there is a red car somewhere in the cabinet drawer that he could play with. I could envision the whole visit. Where's she'd insist we take home the extra cookie she took from dinner or soft orange she had lying around and somehow we always seem to 'forget' to grab on our way out. The visit where she'd say her oxygen tubes were scaring the boys and want to take them out. The visit that would end with her cold wrinkly hands on my face giving me a kiss and her telling me that she loved me and that she prays for not only me but all her kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great great grandkids including now Elias. She'd hug and kiss all 4 of us and we'd walk out into the significantly cooler hallway.

But that visit isn't going to happen anywhere other than in my head and in this blog. As we are nearly the one year mark, I am grateful that I can still see her face and hear her voice but can't help but be a little sad that my Graham won't know my Gram.

Least not here on this earth and knowing that they will one day meet each other in heaven makes it all just a little bit easier.