Elias - and Mommy - survived his first week! The first day was, obviously, the hardest and each day has been a little easier. He seems to be doing well there. His teacher, Ms. Kate, asks alot of questions about him and has asked each morning how we think he is doing and if it falls in line with his "normal." Most of his naps have been significantly shorter but I think his nap schedule has changed and he is adjusting to his newest "normal". They said we can bring his swaddle in and I think it's helped. When Mike picked up the boys on Wednesday, Elias was still sleeping and was going on a 3 1/2 hour nap! What's pretty cool is, even as infants, they have weekly lesson plans. Here is his Wednesday: Teacher(s): Ms. A, Ms. K, Ms. K

Monthly Theme: My Wonderful World

Weekly Theme: My School

Monthly Concepts: Jesus Loves Me

Author: Mem Fox

Book: Whoever You Are

Baby Sign: Banana

Colors: Blue

Character Trait: Friendliness

Woodland Focus Friend: Lyric and Faris

Sensory:

Explore tornado and rice tube

Social & Emotional:

Place baby in a bumbo next to a friend, encourage them to interact with each other

Gross/Fine Motor:

Work on rolling over with baby (which he did 3 times today unassisted!!!)

Music/Movement:

Sing "Wheels on the Bus" with the motions

Language/Cognitive:

Spanish Immersion

Here's a view of our conversation driving to school today

Colin: Know what I want to be when I grow up?
Mommy: What's that buddy?
Colin: A SUPER HERO! Not a naughty or a bad one but a nice super hero.
Mommy: I like nice super heros
Colin: Whatcha want to be when you grow up?

I want to say good question but instead

Mommy: ummmm a Mommy

Colin laughs

Colin: You are a Mommy.

pause

Colin: I know what you are going to be. A PRINCESS!
Mommy: A princess?
Colin: Yup! A beautiful princess and me, Daddy and Elias are going to be the Superheros who save you...

and the rest of the car ride we talked about what I was going to be saved from and how he was going to save me.

Crappy photo picture of Colin's bulletin board at school. His is the green circle towards the bottom that reads "A Nice Super Hero"

Life as a working mom hit hard last week. Probably didn't help that Elias decided to start NOT sleeping through the night anymore and protesting his naps unless he was held. While I was able to cross of most things on my list, I feel like I was just trying to keep my head above water most days. Despite my best intentions of following through on the scheduled menu plan, we failed. Epic-ly.

• Menu: Dinner at Mom and Dads, McDonalds, Carrabbas for Mike's birthday, burgers on the grill, Garlic Cheddar Chicken, Bacon Parmesan Pasta, and breakfast
• Create photobook - certificate expires 9/27 Still have money left, so need to make something else
• Make and freeze peach and pear baby food Also made sweet potatoes and a big batch of Apple Butter
• Complete coupon binder Not only made but used and loved
• Go through Colin's old clothes bins {again} and see if there is anything else Elias can wear
• Go to bed by 10pm and 11pm Not sure if I did this but I KNOW I was never in bed by 10pm
• Big Household Project: skipping something formal due to such a busy hectic week

This week is going to be even crazier,so I'm not going to give myself alot to do since I just simply don't have the free time.

• Menu Planner: Manicotti, leftover Manicotti, chicken quesadillas, breakfast, whatever as Mike is out of town, bacon parmesan pasta, wedding
• Begin a Rubbermaid for Colin's summer clothes
• Put Elias' too small clothes away
• Do 1 Family Activity
• Complete 1 of my pins on pinterest
• Count/Roll up loose change and deposit into vacation account
• Big Household Project: fill at least 1 large trash bag with things to throw away

Elias:

I wonder what you are doing right now,

And if everyone is treating you kind.

I hope there is a special person,

A nice friend you can find.

I wonder if your teacher knows

Just how special you are to me.

And if the brightness of your heart

Is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking of me,

And if you need a hug.

I already miss the sound of your voice

And how you give my finger a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand

How hard it is for me to let you grow

On this day know that my heart breaks

For this is the first step in letting my baby go.

It's 4:49am. Elias is sleeping in my arms and all I can do is hold him and wonder about later today.

Did I pack enough for him to eat? What if he needs more?

Did I pack too much and now a ton is being wasted?

What if he won't sleep in a crib? How's he going to do with his feet not being swaddled?

Should I have labeled his pipey after all?

Will he miss me and realize that he doesn't know anyone?

I wonder if they will find him as charming as I do.

Tomorrow Elias starts school.

I thought I had prepared myself for this. I've been purchasing extras, labeling his things. I've been trying to nail down his schedule (which he totally has thrown for a loop this weekend by refusing to nap in his bed). We met most of his teachers, of course not Miss Kate who will be his primary teacher, and saw his cubby and toys and room.

We LOVE his school. I've loved it so much for Colin. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he receives fantastic care, is taught amazing things, socialized with kids his own age, and best of all, is all done from a Christian perspective. So it's not the school; it's that it's not me or family.

But I'm just having a hard time thinking about leaving my baby there. I love it for Colin as he thrives on school and structure but Elias doesn't need to learn Spanish or have music class. He doesn't need to be around a bunch of other babies. I actually hate that he's going to be around other babies because that means it's time that Miss Kate is not focusing on him.

I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of - him being his normal non-high maintenance self or him being fussy. Why? If he's crying, she can't always console him because there are other kids that need attention. I hate the idea of him crying somewhere with no open arms to hold him. What if he will only sleep while being held like he has this weekend? Does it mean he'll go napless? She {they} can't possibly only tend to Elias all day. But I'm just as afraid if he's just his laid-back self that he'll be over shadowed by the "needy" kids. Yes, I know his basic needs will be met. I know his diaper will be changed hourly. I know he will be fed when he's hungry but I want him to feel special and loved like he does at home.

I know he will be fine. I do. {Really, Kristi, YOU DO!} I'm just experiencing a huge plate of Mommy Guilt with large side of fear.

Thank goodness for the webcams.

A few weeks ago at church, Pastor Brad said something that has stuck in my brain ever since. The series is about Suburban Legends; a series about phrases we often say without thinking. Sometimes we say them so much we believe they are true, but are they? This particular one was about "God will never give you more than you can handle."

Here's the bullet point that really stuck.

"Sometimes you have to change your conjunction"

Conjunction, remember that from English class?

Now that I've been back to work for 2 weeks, I feel like I need to change my conjunction.

I don't know if I can work full time while raising 2 kids, one of which is a baby and doesn't always sleep through the night, and keep up with everything I kept up with pre-Elias or even during my maternity leave.

I'm not sure I can blog as frequently AND find all the best deals AND cook dinner each night AND wash the dishes AND keep up with the laundry AND get groceries WITH coupons AND do fun outings with the boys AND try to keep the house looking nice AND keep up with my TV shows AND bake AND make freezer meals and homemade baby food AND try to get this house in a sellable fashion AND be able to volunteer at church AND see friends AND feel like I'm giving Mike, Colin and Elias quality time AND feel like I'm giving myself some time to do something for myself.

I NEED TO CHANGE MY CONJUNCTION; more importantly I have to be ok with changing it.

I need to be ok with saying I can do this OR that. Be ok with with saying no OR asking for help. I need to be ok with giving up a show or two (or 6). I need to be ok with buying store bought baby food instead of trying to make it now while fruit is season. I need to change it because I can't be the best wife, mother, employee, friend, etc, that God wants of me if I'm spreading myself too thin.

So forgive me if this blog is neglected more than I want. There may be times where my conjunction goes to "OR" instead of "AND".

• Menu Planner: Dinner at mom and dads, meal from mom, garlic ham and cheese sandwiches, chicken cordon bleu, spaghetti bake, pork chops, and ? (something quick because I work until 4pm, then we have to hurry to church, and Mike has to go straight to work after church)
• Create a new coupon binder - Work in Progress. Started by not complete
• Print online coupons and recipes
• Make and freeze Pear baby food - Pears weren't fully ripe yet
• Get groceries
• Go to bed by 10pm and by 11pm at least once
• Create photobook before coupon expires
• Daycare Stuff: Finish filling out Elias' papers, order from Scholastic, pack a new change of clothes for Colin, and start labeling Elias' stuff
• Big Household Project: Re-Paint side entry way
• Survive Week One of work

So not only did I survive week one of work, I survived without a single drop of pop!!! Now onto this week's goals:

• Menu: Dinner at Mom and Dads, McDonalds, Carrabbas for Mike's birthday, burgers on the grill, Garlic Cheddar Chicken, Bacon Parmesan Pasta, and breakfast
• Create photobook - certificate expires 9/27
• Make and freeze peach and pear baby food
• Complete coupon binder
• Go through Colin's old clothes bins {again} and see if there is anything else Elias can wear
• Go to bed by 10pm and 11pm
• Big Household Project: skipping something formal due to such a busy hectic week

It's been awhile since I've posted Colin's day at school. Here's his day on Tuesday.

Am Circle: Calendar/Story Time/ Zoo-phonics
Discussing school buses

Art
Decorate a school bus

Small Group
Things that start with the letter "O"

Science/Sensory
Identifying foil-wrapped school objects by touch

Music/Movement
Dancing with scarves

Manipulatives
Threading beads

PM Circle: Character Traits
Review how the Bible is useful

Language/Cognitive
Spanish Immersion

Comparing the boys at 2 months

Pictures:
Colin

Elias
Stats:
Colin was 13lbs 5 oz and 23 3/4" long
Elias is 14lbs 5oz and 24 1/4" long

-surprisingly both had Dr's appt 4 days after they turned 2 months-

Last week's goals:

• This week's menu plan: dinner at mom and dad's house, pizza, turkey meatball subs, hamburgers/hot dogs, chicken rice, two-timin-pasta bake, and restaurant (we will be out of town)
• Create two more freezer meals
• Research: deep freezers and carpet
• Can corn and possibly peaches
• Seriously this week find and try on (and maybe have to buy) work clothes
• Tour house if still on the market. If it is and we like, email XXX for advice on what to do with our current house
• Go to millennium park and to downtown Rockford
• Order labels for daycare for Elias

I wasn't able to can corn or peaches since both went bad. Ooops! We also contacted the Realtor about the house but she never responded back. According to Trulia, it shows it off the market.

Onto this week's goals. I'm trying to keep it small since we will all be adjusting to me going back to work this week. You will see I'm also adding a new item titled "Big Household Project." Each week, I'm going to give us a big project. Two weeks ago, my dad repainted all of our windows while we worked outside. Last week, Mike torn down the fence.

• Menu Planner: Dinner at mom and dads, meal from mom, garlic ham and cheese sandwiches, chicken cordon bleu, spaghetti bake, pork chops, and ? (something quick because I work until 4pm, then we have to hurry to church, and Mike has to go straight to work after church)
• Create a new coupon binder
• Print online coupons and recipes
• Make and freeze Pear baby food
• Get groceries
• Go to bed by 10pm and by 11pm at least once
• Create photobook before coupon expires
• Daycare Stuff: Finish filling out Elias' papers, order from Scholastic, pack a new change of clothes for Colin, and start labeling Elias' stuff
• Big Household Project: Re-Paint side entry way
• Survive Week One of work

Elias:

Happy 2 month birthday. To celebrate, we took away our vacation.
Say what? Took away? Yup. We had intended on going to Chicago for the weekend but then Daddy had to work 3rd shift on Thursday, so we didn't want to leave on Friday. Then Mommy started freaking out about you riding the dirty germ infested train and Daddy was worried about your big brother, Colin, having to walk the entire time in Chicago since you pull rank and would get the stroller. Add in that Mommy starts work on Monday, which is a whole another paragraph in its self, and we didn't want to set Grandma up to fail with two cranky boys, so we cancelled the trip. We are bummed and was really looking forward to having some family time but we really felt this was the smartest decision for you. You'll realize as you get older that you have to put others first. I mean you don't have to but if not people will think you are a selfish jerk and it won't make Mommy very happy.

So yes, Mommy goes back to work next week. To say I'm dreading it would be putting it mildly. While I'd be lying to say that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed not having to go to work, it's so much more than just not having to go there. As I said before, I'm going to miss our time together. Now Colin if you read this someday don't take this personally because you know I love you (forever and forever and forever!) but Elias there is just something about leaving you that breaks my heart. Knowing that we won't be together all day is a tough pill to swallow. Maybe it's because my maternity leave with you is shorter than my time with Colin. Maybe it's because I haven't really left you longer than a few hours to go shopping. Maybe it's because you are a Momma's boy; whatever the reason I don't want to leave you in a few days. But life is what life is. Cue cheesy singing! You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life. Speaking of singing and music. You love music. You love to dance to it, smile at it, even fall asleep to it. It soothes you just as much as it excites you. Perhaps you'll be a musician. You love to babble. You are already respectful and wait your turn to speak but when you "have the floor" it's hard to get you to stop talking. Perhaps you'll be a motivational speaker or a pastor. You love to smile. You have a most contagious smile and dare I say become thee cutest baby ever when you flash a big gummy smile. Perhaps you'll be a model. You love to observe your surroundings. You follow objects, lights, and sound. You are becoming very attentive. Perhaps you'll be a photographer or a police officer. You love the outdoors and enjoy stroller rides in the park. You aren't a big fan of the wind but love taking in the sights and sounds of the outdoors. Perhaps you'll be world traveler. Perhaps you will be something different all together. But for now, you are my sweet little 2 month old baby. My little sweet pea. Colin's "little punky" which he claims is Elias in Spanish. Daddy's little buddy. You are my Elias Graham. My sweet sweet chubby faced boy, whom I adore more than anything in this world.

Love Always,

Mommy

The whole family went to a Whitecaps game on Sunday. It was a perfect day for a game and we had fantastic in the shade seats. Thanks Jason and Janna for putting this together!

It's late and I have a lot on my mind. I've had a lot on my mind period lately. You know those big life altering ideas, questions, problems. Mix in my last week of maternity leave and you may or may not get a big emotional basket case.

I don't even know how it happened. I don't remember how my thoughts transitioned anymore. But somehow as I was holding my Graham, my thoughts turned to my other Gram; my Grandma. I could see her perfectly. Sitting in her green chair at Sunset. The radio blaring as she listened to one of Uncle Bob's church services. I could hear her voice.

Then cue the tears.

I wanted to hear her voice talk about him. I could hear the conversation. She'd asked if he was a good baby as her wrinkly old manicured hands rubbed his round bald head. I'd tell that he's a great baby; he's calm, sweet, incredibly smiley, and a great sleeper. She asked how many times he wakes up during the night. When I tell her once, sometimes not at all, she'd call me "giiiiiiiiiiiirl" and tell me how lucky I am while Elias squeezed her finger. And somewhere between talking about the new love of my life and her talking about how she didn't like the newborn stage with her kids, she'd remind Colin that there is a red car somewhere in the cabinet drawer that he could play with. I could envision the whole visit. Where's she'd insist we take home the extra cookie she took from dinner or soft orange she had lying around and somehow we always seem to 'forget' to grab on our way out. The visit where she'd say her oxygen tubes were scaring the boys and want to take them out. The visit that would end with her cold wrinkly hands on my face giving me a kiss and her telling me that she loved me and that she prays for not only me but all her kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great great grandkids including now Elias. She'd hug and kiss all 4 of us and we'd walk out into the significantly cooler hallway.

But that visit isn't going to happen anywhere other than in my head and in this blog. As we are nearly the one year mark, I am grateful that I can still see her face and hear her voice but can't help but be a little sad that my Graham won't know my Gram.

Least not here on this earth and knowing that they will one day meet each other in heaven makes it all just a little bit easier.

Recap of last week's goals:

• Stick to this week's menu plan which uses all food I have on-hand: picnic potluck, ham and scalloped potatoes, either pack a picnic or grab fast food as we hope to go away, soft baked tacos/burritos, chicken rice, chicken quesadillas, and burgers on the grill all but chicken rice as we had left-overs one night.
• Make at least two more freezer meals
• Go on at least 3 walks
• Attempt to clean living room carpet with an at-home remedy
• Determine what work clothes fit me and put away maternity clothes
• Cut, organize and file away coupons
• Continue to work on issues with: the library, trash service, and insurance.
• Go to the fabric store

This week's to do - short list since we were gone all day Sunday, worked on the house most of Monday, and will be out of town on Saturday.

• This week's menu plan: dinner at mom and dad's house, pizza, turkey meatball subs, hamburgers/hot dogs, chicken rice, two-timin-pasta bake, and restaurant (we will be out of town)
• Create two more freezer meals
• Research: deep freezers and carpet
• Can corn and possibly peaches
• Seriously this week find and try on (and maybe have to buy) work clothes
• Tour house if still on the market. If it is and we like, email XXX for advice on what to do with our current house
• Go to millennium park and to downtown Rockford
• Order labels for daycare for Elias

We finally were able to all hit up the beach - a little late in the season but better late than never, right :)

Friday, after Mike got outta work, we loaded up in the Vue with our picnic dinner, enough towels for a small army, and a very excited 3 year old.

Mike and I took turns swimming with Colin while the other entertained a happy but slightly unsure Elias. In between turns, we put Elias' feet in the water. It was a little chilly for his liking but there were no tears, so we will call it a success.

As promised from yesterday's freezer meal post, here are a few of my recent recipes.

photo credit: http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com

Crockpot Italian Chicken
4 chicken breasts, frozen or thawed, full breasts or tenders
1 stick of butter
1 packet dry Zesty Italian dressing (Regular works as well)
1 (8 oz) package cream cheese, softened
1 can cream of chicken soup

Melt butter in crockpot. Once the butter is melted, stir in dry dressing packet. Add chicken to the crockpot and thoroughly coat in the butter mixture. Cook on low until done. Remove chicken and set aside. Add cream cheese and soup to crockpot. Whisk together until smooth.

To serve: Add chicken and serve over prepared noodles or rice.
To freezer: Add chicken and sauce to either pan or freezer bags.

Chicken Alfredo

1 bag Broccoli florets

1/4 c. butter

1 lb chicken breast, cooked and cubed

1 bottle Alfredo sauce, 16 oz

1/2 c. Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

1/2 c. Parmesan cheese

1/2 tsp Garlic powder

1/8 tsp black pepper

In a saucepan combine broccolli, chicken breasts and sauce. When it's warm add the butter, cheeses, garlic powder and pepper. Let simmer on low for about 5 minutes. Once cooled, pour into a gallon sized freezer bag.

photo and recipe credit to: joelens.blogspot.com

16 buttery crackers (such as Ritz), crushed (about 3⁄4 c)
6 ounces sharp Cheddar, grated
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1-2 stalks scallions, thinly sliced {I omitted}
kosher salt and black pepper
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
4 Tbsp butter, melted

Heat oven to 350° F. In a bowl, combine the crackers, cheese, garlic, scallions and ¼ teaspoon each salt and pepper.

Pound the chicken to about 1/4 - 1/2 inch thickness with a meat mallet. Dip the pounded chicken in the butter, then in the cracker mixture, pressing gently to help it adhere, and place on a foil-lined baking sheet.

Sprinkle any remaining cracker mixture on the chicken and drizzle with any remaining butter. Bake until the chicken is golden brown and cooked through, 15 to 20 minutes.

* To make ahead/freezer meal - Prepare the chicken as directed above. After coating it in the cracker mixture, place chicken in a gallon sized freezer bag, seal and freeze flat in your freezer. When ready to prepare, place on a baking sheet and drizzle with melted butter. Bake as directed above from frozen until cooked through, possibly 30-35 minutes depending on thickness.

One of the things I'm trying to do to prepare for going back to work is creating some freezer meals. With working funky hours, too often, we eat crap and it's crap late at night. But many days I work until at least 7pm, so by the time I get home it's about time to get Colin ready for bed. After reading books, brushing teeth, changing into a pull-up and jammies, saying prayers and singing songs, it's typically close to 8:30pm. The last thing I feel like doing is BEGIN making a dinner only to eat it after 9pm and then have to clean up afterwards. It's easier to order a pizza, send Mike to a drive-through, or make something super easy (tortilla pizzas, burgers on the grill, mac'n' cheese and quesadillas are often our go-to). It's not great on our waist lines or a wallet especially when most days I don't have lunch at work either.

So I'm hoping that I can create some freezer meals in ziplocks (since I don't have room for pans in my freezer) that I can just pull out in the morning. There's a good chance that we won't be eating much earlier since Colin's bedtime hasn't really changed but at least our meal will be more healthy and we will hopefully be avoiding the dreaded, but oh so tasty, drive through.

I made two dinners, some muffins, and a breakfast last week. My goal to make at least two more this week, which I should probably get to it since it's already Friday afternoon. We will see how many more I can make after that since I'm running out of space in my freezer. I'll post recipes either later today or another day.

Oh September how I have been dreading you this year. You see September is when I have to go back to work. September means my maternity leave is coming to an end.

September means my days won't revolve around this sweet chubby face.

I will be heading back to work where I can't have conversations with people while sitting on the floor in my pjs.

I'll be heading back to a place where I will not hear "Mommy I love you" a million times a day from a sometimes frustrating but incredibly sweet and loving boy.

My most frustrating part of the day won't be trying to feed both boys at the same time and problems won't be solved as easily as Colin "needing!!!" a snack part way through our morning walks and thankfully finding a granola bar at the bottom of the diaper bag.

I won't be playing in the backyard, reading a million children books on the couch, or making lego creations. I won't be kissing away owies, putting on bandaids, or singing yet another naptime song. Instead of using time-outs as discipline, I'll have to go back to corporate America ways.

But even though September is officially here, I still have a a little more time left; a little time left before I have to re-learn how to juggle a full-time job while trying to keep a clean house, groceries in the house, and clean clothes to wear. Before I have to remember what it's like needing to get everyone fed, dressed and out the door by a certain time everyday. Before the stress and unhappiness of work slips back into my life. But I have still have some time left and I plan on using that time to love on my babies and now wish that September 12 doesn't come. In my PJs, of course :)