Elias got sick last night. I hardly slept. Was running on fumes most the day due to lack of naps. Then just as I was crawling into bed got the dreaded phone call "ummm 3rd shifter hasn't shown up and isn't answering the phone." So here I am at work. Dead tired. Busy work is complete and I still have like 2 hours to go. So although I'm probably writing this sooner than ready, I need to do something productive. 

This post has been weighing on my heart lately. I needed time to process it. I truthfully need MORE time but since I have nothing but time, I might as well a start now. 

Earlier this spring, church did a series called a Hole In the Gospel based off the book. We were given a calendar which focused on different areas each week; they had calls of action, statics. I remember looking the calendar over and one date really hit me. Ok, it more than hit me. It literally rocked me to my core. 

Those numbers are so staggering to me. 6000 children die.A.DAY because they don't have access to something as basic as clean water. The static bothered me. It made me uncomfortable. But to be completely honest here, not uncomfortable enough to do much more than post it on facebook (where I don't think one person even commented on it. Oddly though, if even ONE jumbo jet crashed, I'm sure it would be the most popular commonly posted topic that day). I wish I could say that I did something dramatic once I heard this news but short of turning off my faucet more often, I didn't do too much. 

Fast Forward to the end of summer. One of the blogs I read mentioned the new book for their book club. I was in need of a new book, so I thought if the library had it available for my kindle, I'd join in. Believe it or not, for once, they did. I quickly put a hold on it and waited my turn. 

Enter 7. Officially known as 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. A mouthful, isn't it? Let me tell you though ... it was as good as the title is long. Good enough that I've now read it twice. A quick run down of the book can be found by clicking on the link above. But let me say this book hit me about as hard as hearing 6000 children die a day from lack of water.

"How can I be socially responsible if unaware that I reside in the top percent of the wealth in the world? (You probably do too: Make $35000 a year? Top 4 percent. $50000? Top 1 percent.) 

Excess has impaired perspective in America; we are the richest people on earth; praying to get richer. We are tangled in unmanageable debt while feeding the machine, because we feel entitled to more. What does it communicate when half the global population lives on less than $2 a day, and we can't manage a fulfilling life on twenty-five thousand times that amount. Fifty thousand times that amount. 

It says we have too much, and it's ruining us."

I'm wrestling with what exactly it means for me and my house and my family. I know a change needs to happen. I know a change IS happening. I'm trying to decide how to make it happen. Expect more as I process this ... and I have a fixed computer that allows me to use the keyboard :)

A few weeks ago at church, Pastor Brad said something that has stuck in my brain ever since. The series is about Suburban Legends; a series about phrases we often say without thinking. Sometimes we say them so much we believe they are true, but are they? This particular one was about "God will never give you more than you can handle."

Here's the bullet point that really stuck.

"Sometimes you have to change your conjunction"

Conjunction, remember that from English class?

Now that I've been back to work for 2 weeks, I feel like I need to change my conjunction.

I don't know if I can work full time while raising 2 kids, one of which is a baby and doesn't always sleep through the night, and keep up with everything I kept up with pre-Elias or even during my maternity leave.

I'm not sure I can blog as frequently AND find all the best deals AND cook dinner each night AND wash the dishes AND keep up with the laundry AND get groceries WITH coupons AND do fun outings with the boys AND try to keep the house looking nice AND keep up with my TV shows AND bake AND make freezer meals and homemade baby food AND try to get this house in a sellable fashion AND be able to volunteer at church AND see friends AND feel like I'm giving Mike, Colin and Elias quality time AND feel like I'm giving myself some time to do something for myself.

I NEED TO CHANGE MY CONJUNCTION; more importantly I have to be ok with changing it.

I need to be ok with saying I can do this OR that. Be ok with with saying no OR asking for help. I need to be ok with giving up a show or two (or 6). I need to be ok with buying store bought baby food instead of trying to make it now while fruit is season. I need to change it because I can't be the best wife, mother, employee, friend, etc, that God wants of me if I'm spreading myself too thin.

So forgive me if this blog is neglected more than I want. There may be times where my conjunction goes to "OR" instead of "AND".

why geography and distance stinks. I've said countless times how much I hate geography. Let me give you a little more insight as to why.

1160.62 miles.

It is exactly 1160.62 miles from Jacksonville, Florida to Wyoming, Michigan. 1160.62 miles from her doorstep to mine.

The distance, the miles are normal for us. We've never lived by each other. We've never had the typical friendship of sitting in each other's living rooms talking and laughing until our sides hurt. We can't go on double dates or to the movies. We can't grab a beer or eat ice cream because we had a crappy day. Missing everyday life is normal for us.

When it becomes even more difficult is when milestone and major events happen. When we bought our first homes, the birth of Colin, today.

Today my best friend graduated from nursing school. Words can not explain how proud I am of her and her accomplishments. Words can not explain the disappointment of not being able to be 1160.62 miles away on this special day in her life. I wish I could give her a congratulatory hug, tell her face to face how proud I am of her dedication and hard work. I wish I could tell her she's going to make a great nurse and I would - and will- come to her in a heartbeat with any medical questions or advice. I wish I was there listening to her family's southern drawl and the sound of laughter and excitement in the air. I wish I could see the sense of accomplishment on her face. I just wish I was there.

Reason 427 of why geography sucks. I'm missing Angela's graduation and it sucks. I miss you AC and I love you dearly! Congrats!!

Considering I took almost 500 pictures in August, I have alot I want to share. I figured I'd just add them all together and make two slideshows. So, as I'm uploading these pictures, I'm sitting here reading random peoples' blogs while my pictures are uploading and I hear Colin start screaming. I run upstairs and the poor kid's chubby leg/foot is stuck above his bumper pad in between two slats in his crib. Poor thing!! So I just sat there trying to soothe him back to sleep. I sat there with him in my arms, rubbing his back, feeling his warm breath against my neck as his belly swells while his breathing grew deeper and deeper. I was struck with how blessed I am to have him. And even after I knew he was peacefully sleeping, I just held him longer knowing there would be a time he doesn't fit so perfectly in my arms.

Without further adiou, here are some of my August pictures.

I'm officially in the home stretch.

• I'm now considered full term since I'm 37 weeks.
• Two weeks ago, I was already dilated and a "thin cervix" which I did make the Dr repeat because it isn't often I hear my name and thin in the same sentence.
• This week, although my blood pressure is still in the healthy range, it sky rocketed for me. The Dr isn't TOO worried but if it continues to increase, then she said we would talk about moderate bedrest and possible induction.
• The baby has dropped and is in position.

All of the things have made me realize that this baby can be here at any moment. I know I could be pregnant for another couple of weeks but I also know that this baby could come anytime now. It's exciting and scary at the same time. I feel like I have so much I want to do before the baby gets here but I have zero energy lately. My house is completely unorganized and I'd be mortified if people came over and saw it in its current state. We still haven't put away all of our baby gifts or figured out where we are going to put everything we need. I haven't started preparing meals for once the baby gets here. I'm nowhere near done with my scrapbook that I desperately want completed before the baby arrives. The carseat isn't installed. The curtains aren't made. I still want to do some finishing touches to the baby's room. The list goes on and on. It's easy for me to get overwhelmed when I think of the long list.

However, then I think of what IS done and what truly NEEDS to be done before the baby comes. Aside from the car seat, everything that needs to be done is done. Most importantly, Mike and I are ready. We are so ready to meet this little guy/girl.

So whenever you are ready baby, Mom and Dad are ready for you! Just possibly sorry in advance that you aren't going to have brown polka dots on your walls :)

half way done with my pregnancy!!! Crazy, huh?

My Dr. won't allow me to go more than a week late and since I'm 20 1/2 weeks, it means I'm officially half way done! YAY!! YAY!! YAY!!

Yes, I know I should post a longer more detailed post but I just haven't had the time lately. Life has been really busy. I'll try to post on Saturday while I'm bored to tears at work.

Tomorrow is the big day. We are incredibly excited and slightly nervous.

Another post to follow soon.

First the negatives because those are bugging me the most:

• Why did I have to come back from vacation?
• Why are certain employees totally incapable of thinking for themselves and must seek direction and answers from me on every move they make? If I weren't here to ask, I'm sure you would be perfectly capable of answering your own ridiculous question.
• Why isn't it 3pm yet?!?!?!

Now onto the positives:

• I had a fabulously ripe juicy nectarine for lunch.
• I'm about to get a free $15 after work thanks to a CVS error and Janna's great attention to detail :)
• It looks like it might rain this afternoon which will work perfectly for a nap.

My newest quote/motto: "It's exhausting being fabulous."

So our house is officially on the market.

We met with our realtor today. He was painfully honest. He said there is a chance we'll lose money (like most sellers in GR) and to expect it to take awhile to sell. Although, I appreciate him not sugar coating it, it's still hard news to swallow.

However, I'm choosing to remain optimistic. It only takes one interested person. I think it's a cute house. Someone else has to think so too. Angela, you do not count :)

So if you know anyone interested in purchasing a house, let me know. I'm looking for a quick sale. I can't keep my house immaculate 24 hours a day for very long :)

Ok so I may not be rich but I'm about to become famous :)

How you may ask? Rachel, Mike and I were in our first movie video!!

There is a video series called Nooma (www.nooma.com) and the production crew has been staying at our hotel. Rachel made friends with the AD (Asst Director for all non-movie actors :)) and asked if we wanted to be extras in the movie. We jumped on the chance and spent a couple hours downtown last night filming. It was oodles of fun. We really think this might be our big break, right Rach?

So watch out Hollywood, here we come :)