Mommy Guilt

Tomorrow Elias starts school.

I thought I had prepared myself for this. I've been purchasing extras, labeling his things. I've been trying to nail down his schedule (which he totally has thrown for a loop this weekend by refusing to nap in his bed). We met most of his teachers, of course not Miss Kate who will be his primary teacher, and saw his cubby and toys and room.

We LOVE his school. I've loved it so much for Colin. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he receives fantastic care, is taught amazing things, socialized with kids his own age, and best of all, is all done from a Christian perspective. So it's not the school; it's that it's not me or family.

But I'm just having a hard time thinking about leaving my baby there. I love it for Colin as he thrives on school and structure but Elias doesn't need to learn Spanish or have music class. He doesn't need to be around a bunch of other babies. I actually hate that he's going to be around other babies because that means it's time that Miss Kate is not focusing on him.

I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of - him being his normal non-high maintenance self or him being fussy. Why? If he's crying, she can't always console him because there are other kids that need attention. I hate the idea of him crying somewhere with no open arms to hold him. What if he will only sleep while being held like he has this weekend? Does it mean he'll go napless? She {they} can't possibly only tend to Elias all day. But I'm just as afraid if he's just his laid-back self that he'll be over shadowed by the "needy" kids. Yes, I know his basic needs will be met. I know his diaper will be changed hourly. I know he will be fed when he's hungry but I want him to feel special and loved like he does at home.

I know he will be fine. I do. {Really, Kristi, YOU DO!} I'm just experiencing a huge plate of Mommy Guilt with large side of fear.

Thank goodness for the webcams.