God Speaking

I've been a mixed bag of emotions lately. Feelings from hurt and jealousy to anger and worse. I'm trying blame some of it on pregnancy hormones or at the very least how intense the emotions are even when I know some of that isn't true.

What's pretty cool (cuz the feelings certainly aren't!) is I keep stumbling onto things that directly speak to me about my emotions. Total God speaking moments.

Few examples: Although Mike and I are very happy with the fact that we didn't find out the sex of the baby, there are times {which have been occurring often it seems} I really wish I would have gone the easy route and just found out. So today in the mist of my jealousy of not knowing and of wondering if people would care more about the baby if they associated it to a gender, I clicked on an app I have on facebook. I haven't checked it in months. What did it say? "On this day of your life, Kristi, we believe God wants you to know ... that nothing is exciting if you know what the outcome is going to be." God speaking - through social media no less.

I think most people who live here get a big case of Spring Fever around this time. I've been feeling it immensely. I want to see the grass and feel the sunshine. I want to be able to play outside with Colin. However, it's become so bad that I have honestly seriously looked at houses in a different state the other day. A state where it's not so wintery for so long. And the reality is nothing will amount from anything but it still struck me how unhappy I am about the weather. You can imagine how I felt when I heard about the upcoming storm we were going to have on Sunday. As I was going to head outside to work Sunday morning knowing it was the last time I was going to see the grass for quite some time, I grew more frustrated. And then as I walked outside, God spoke in the calmness of the morning. Instead of being frustrated, I was struck by how peaceful it was - no wind, no noise, just the stillness and beauty of the morning.

Today as I was walking the floors, "Choose Joy" popped into my head. I figured it was a lyric to a song I heard before coming into work and that I really should make that my motto today; don't allow the negative emotions to consume me. I came back and did a quick Google search. Instead of finding the lyric, I saw a quote from a blog I used to read back when we had our laptop. I haven't read his blog since November. He wrote:

"Choose joy today.

Not because it’s going to be a perfect day because it certainly isn’t.
Not because everything is going to go your way because it won’t.

Choose joy today because today is all you’ve got.

Choose joy today because there’s a watching world that will be drawn to our Creator when you do."

God speaking through a Google search.

I'm struck over the past few days that God is really trying to say something to me. He's bigger than all my hurt, all my anger, all my jealousy, all of my insecurites. And not only is he bigger than my emotions, he cares enough to show up in every day life when I most need it. He cares enough to remind me of the beauty of the unknown, the beauty of life not going your way, the beauty of joy. He cares enough to simply remind me that someone cares.