Month Two

Dear Colin,

Today you are officially two months old. 60 days. Do you realize how old that is? You've changed a lot in the past month. Heck, dad and I have changed a lot in the past month. Life changes when you have a baby. (That, by the way, is something you better not find out about until you are much much older!!!) Daddy and I went on our first date a few weeks ago and left you for the first time. Out of habit, we both went to open your door when we left the car, found it odd to not carrying the diaper bag, and there was very little we could talk about that somehow didn't come back to you. Although we missed you, it was nice to spend some quality adult only time. You learn to appreciate the simple things in life when you are a parent. Things like showering, eating a meal while it's still warm, being able to leave the house easily, and sleeping are not taken for granted anymore.

Speaking of sleeping, two nights ago you slept from 10.30pm until I finally made daddy wake you up at 6.45am. I know it sounds silly -- that I would wake you up when every night you hear me wishing you would fall back to sleep but you had me worried. I woke up 3 times last night wondering why YOU hadn't woken me up yet. I walked into your room to ensure you were still breathing and then just stared at your beautiful round face. I am still in awe at your beauty. You are the prettiest baby which you should know by how often I call you 'my pretty pretty baby.' My real treat for you sleeping through the night was the happiest and smiliest baby ever. In the past month, you have started to smile and not just because you are gassy :) You are typically the smiliest in the early morning when I'm most tired. It's your morning smiles, Colin that make me not despise having to get up at 7.30am to change your stinky poopy diaper.

You've discovered your chubby hands. You love staring at them and putting them in your mouth. I have high hopes that you will one day be able to put your entire fist in your mouth just like I can. What a proud moment it will be :) I digress. Back to your hands. You love them so much. You bring them so close to your face that you go completely crossed eyed. Your little fingers will slowly start moving and your eyes will begin to refocus before we start the whole process over again. Its a game we can play for long periods of time.

You are our little chatterbox. You love to talk. You have a few sounds that I wish I could videotape, so I never forget how adorable you sound but you have "learned" to hate the camera. You can be talking to me for 15 minutes but the second I bust out the camera, you stop and start fussing. Don't you realize that people want to see your cuteness? Don't you realize someday you will be annoying the crap out of me and I will want to remember the days when you couldn't backtalk? :) Work with me smalls!

The past few weeks have been hard on me, Colin. I've struggled with if I should even write this paragraph but I feel it's important. I want you to know how much this decision has pained me. In the past few weeks, I've really began to realize that I have to return to work shortly and it's something that I'm completely dreading. The idea of me going back to work has been consuming me lately and I'm afraid I'm going to either give myself an ulcer or a panic attack. The more I think about going back, the more worried I become; the more I become worried about, the more I think about it. It's a vicious unhealthy cycle. I'm just trying to look at the positive and as they talked about in church yesterday to proactively pray and to pray big!! I've been very lucky to have the time I have had with you. Many moms who have to go back to work aren't as blessed to take off almost 11 weeks of work. I'm trying to focus on that; that I still have a few more weeks with you. I also know that God will not give either of us more than we can handle. I trust that to be true ... I will stop writing about this before it makes me cry.
Colin, it is our hope that someday you will fully understand the joy you have brought into our lives. We hope to continue to see the delight in your eyes as you continue to see the world. More than anything, we hope that you will realize how incredibly loved you are and by how many people.

With all my love,
Mommy