Dear Colin,

Happy Birthday Colin!!! I have had 12 months to come up with what to say but I've been sitting here for days wondering how to adequately convey what the past year has meant to me. It is impossible to put into writing how wonderful this year has been. There is so much I want to say but I struggle to find the right words. One year ago, a storm ripped through town nearly shutting the town down. I remember watching the weather change from unseasonably warm and raining to bitterly cold and blizzardy. The world seemed to stand still as the pure white snow fell. One year ago, you came storming into this world not breathing in the most beautiful (ly scary) shade of blue. Colin, my world stood still when you were born. Nothing, literally nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I felt when you were born. I loved you so much when I was pregnant with you but I fell head over heels in love with you the moment Daddy told me you were born. The fear, the uncertainty of your health, the anticipation of what you looked like are emotions I will never forget. Colin, I loved you more than anything before I could even see you or hold you. I will love you longer than my eyes work and way longer than you will allow me to hold you.
I have learned over the year to never say never, plans seldom happen the way you envision, and that in the end none of that matters as long as you are happy and healthy. After being admitted back into the Children's Hospital, I had to stop trying to breastfeed you and you have been formula fed ever since. Throughout the year, I have struggled with the guilt of not being able to breastfeed you and have you reap the benefits but I know I made the best decision I could. When you were small, I took you to Meijer at hours when I use to stink eye other mothers for having children out and not in bed. I wasn't able to be a stay-at-home-mom and the biggest never say never moment, you now go to daycare. Parenting is full of surprises, compromises, and sacrifices. You've made each one wonderful and completely worth it. But Daddy and I must be doing something right because we have been so blessed by you. You made motherhood (and fatherhood) dare I say .. fairly easy. From the get-go, you've had this very content personality. You rarely cried, smiled easily, ate like a champ, slept well(you were sleeping through the night before you were 2 months old!!) and were (are) cute as a button. What more can a Mommy ask for? As the months past, you quickly transformed from this sweet dependent infant into this curious active baby. You became a little boy eager to explore the world and its surroundings. You wanted to touch, see and taste everything. Sweet baby, we went on vacations and walks. You enjoyed your first baseball game and trip to the zoo. We read books and sang songs. You loved swimming, bouncing and jumping. Those summer days passed by too quickly. Summer led to fall. Fall led to winter. As the days grew colder, your personality continued to blossom. You became more vocal, more expressive. You started to love playing games and tricks on us. It was incredible to watch to learn and grasp new ideas, noises, words, concepts. Colin, I love your thirst for knowledge and understanding. I pray it is a trait you never lose. Those too quick days lead us to here; the 12th month of your life. It was a jammed pack month. In the middle of the month, we took you on your first airplane ride down to Florida. Our happy baby somehow became happier down there. You loved the sunshine, the wind, the warm(er) weather. We put your carseat forward facing and you took the world in. You babbled non-stop and sang in the car. You loved having Mommy and Daddy around everyday all day. You loved going outside and being busy. You met some of Mommy and Daddy's closest friends, went to Disney, and walked into the water. You loved every moment of the trip and so did we. We ended the month still recouping from being sick by celebrating your 1st birthday with family. Everyone came together to celebrate your life and the joy you've brought into each of their lives. The room was filled with laughter and smiles and I couldn't have asked for anything more. Grandma and I stayed up way too late the two nights leading up to your party making monkey cupcakes and your monkey and banana cake. Uncle Tim joked about how you'd probably eat the whole thing but when the time came, you timidly touched it. You offered Daddy the first lick and after he ate it, you decided to try it yourself. In a total non-Colin fashion, you ate only a small amount before trying to push the platter off your tray. You opened presents much better than you did on Christmas and were beyond blessed by the generosity of everyone. For missing a nap and alot of busyness, you did well little man. You made your mother proud. This monthly post is longer than usual. It's more wordy and less structured than I want but so much happened this year. You changed our lives in ways I never could have imagined. You have blessed our lives on a daily basis. As I think back, I can still feel your warm body being placed on my chest for the first time. I can hear you saying 'ma ma' for the first time. I remember the late night feedings and the day I cried as I walked back into work as if they happened yesterday. As another year starts, so will many new firsts for you. You will learn to take your first steps alone. Your vocabulary will grow as will your determination. You will learn body parts and more animal noises. You may even learn to obey the word no :) It will be another year full of firsts, lasts, surprises, compromises and sacrifices. And as you become our little toddler, you will forever be my baby Colin.

Love,
Mommy (and Daddy)

We've been vomit free since approximately 3am :)

He's been his normal happy active self. Hopefully whatever was in his system is completely gone. No one wants to be sick on their birthday and he already missed one birthday celebration.

It was bound to happen. Truthfully, I'm surprised it hadn't happened up until now. Last night, Mike and I were awoken around midnight to Colin crying; it wasn't his normal cry. Being drained and feeling sick and incredibly comfortable, I suggested to Mike that wait a second to see if he cries a second time. He did. Mike offered to check on him since I had to get up at 6am for work. Hearing him continuing to cry, I feel around for my glasses. Before I can even walk into his bedroom, Mike is calling for me. I immediately knew something was wrong.

Mike brushing past me into the bathroom and before I can even register seeing them, the smell hits me. The smell of vomit. Colin is covered in it; his jammies, his face, running out of his nose, matted in his hair. Mike is holding a towel trying to catch it. I notice his shirt is covered and stained. After getting Colin 'under control', I walked into his bedroom to scope out the scene. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. His entire bed was covered in vomit and unchewed grape pieces.

Fast-forward past numerous book readings, two more sets of jammies, two (or was it 3?) loads of laundry to a very tired Mommy and Daddy. We are sitting in the living room on a blanket which has vomit on one corner. It has to be after 3am and we've been vomit-free for atleast 30 minutes. Our goal is the-1-hour-free point but we are running low on energy which somehow Colin has a lot of. In a desperate attempt to keep him on the blanket, we popped in a Little Einstein's video and he was captivated. He is bouncing between mine and Mike's lap cuddling in a way every parent desires from an active squirmy almost 1 year old. I'm sitting there fighting to stay awake, trying to block out the smells, pushing back the thoughts of how sleep deprived I had already felt before tonight's whooping 2 hours of sleep, and it hits me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what parenthood is all about and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

One year ago at this time, I was still pregnant. I still didn't know if Colin was Colin or Lily. I had no clue what this little boy would do to my life. I never in a million years would have thought that while a sweet faced boy with tears pouring down his face was throwing up and he turned to face me seeking comfort, that I gladly would have let him throw up all over me just to make him feel the slightest bit better. Last night as I laid in bed for all 1.5 hours of sleep, I laid there like the first night we brought him home. Was he breathing? What if he choked on his vomit? Should I sleep on the floor in his room? My mind wandered as I thought about how much he has changed over the year ... and so have I.

We are home again. While it is nice to be back to our real beds and Colin's things, we desperately miss Florida. Although Orlando was experiencing record colds, it was nice not seeing the snow, feeling the sun against our skin, and not having to bundle up. Colin absolutely loved being down there.

We didn't get back to Grand Rapids until after 2am and I had to work this morning. Momma's tired and I have alot to do before Colin's birthday party but I promise to post more later along with pictures. We "only" took 271 savable pictures which is far less than I would have expected.

Just one picture until I have more time. Colin 'walking' into the water.

Mike and I took Colin sledding today in the backyard. He totally loved it. He probably would have loved staying out there longer but Mike and I were pooped. Ok maybe more Mike but he was the one doing most of the pulling.


and here is what happens when curious Colin who loves touching the snow and loves to eat everything tries to eat the snow. Not quite so happy anymore :)