Tomorrow Elias starts school.

I thought I had prepared myself for this. I've been purchasing extras, labeling his things. I've been trying to nail down his schedule (which he totally has thrown for a loop this weekend by refusing to nap in his bed). We met most of his teachers, of course not Miss Kate who will be his primary teacher, and saw his cubby and toys and room.

We LOVE his school. I've loved it so much for Colin. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he receives fantastic care, is taught amazing things, socialized with kids his own age, and best of all, is all done from a Christian perspective. So it's not the school; it's that it's not me or family.

But I'm just having a hard time thinking about leaving my baby there. I love it for Colin as he thrives on school and structure but Elias doesn't need to learn Spanish or have music class. He doesn't need to be around a bunch of other babies. I actually hate that he's going to be around other babies because that means it's time that Miss Kate is not focusing on him.

I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of - him being his normal non-high maintenance self or him being fussy. Why? If he's crying, she can't always console him because there are other kids that need attention. I hate the idea of him crying somewhere with no open arms to hold him. What if he will only sleep while being held like he has this weekend? Does it mean he'll go napless? She {they} can't possibly only tend to Elias all day. But I'm just as afraid if he's just his laid-back self that he'll be over shadowed by the "needy" kids. Yes, I know his basic needs will be met. I know his diaper will be changed hourly. I know he will be fed when he's hungry but I want him to feel special and loved like he does at home.

I know he will be fine. I do. {Really, Kristi, YOU DO!} I'm just experiencing a huge plate of Mommy Guilt with large side of fear.

Thank goodness for the webcams.

A few weeks ago at church, Pastor Brad said something that has stuck in my brain ever since. The series is about Suburban Legends; a series about phrases we often say without thinking. Sometimes we say them so much we believe they are true, but are they? This particular one was about "God will never give you more than you can handle."

Here's the bullet point that really stuck.

"Sometimes you have to change your conjunction"

Conjunction, remember that from English class?

Now that I've been back to work for 2 weeks, I feel like I need to change my conjunction.

I don't know if I can work full time while raising 2 kids, one of which is a baby and doesn't always sleep through the night, and keep up with everything I kept up with pre-Elias or even during my maternity leave.

I'm not sure I can blog as frequently AND find all the best deals AND cook dinner each night AND wash the dishes AND keep up with the laundry AND get groceries WITH coupons AND do fun outings with the boys AND try to keep the house looking nice AND keep up with my TV shows AND bake AND make freezer meals and homemade baby food AND try to get this house in a sellable fashion AND be able to volunteer at church AND see friends AND feel like I'm giving Mike, Colin and Elias quality time AND feel like I'm giving myself some time to do something for myself.

I NEED TO CHANGE MY CONJUNCTION; more importantly I have to be ok with changing it.

I need to be ok with saying I can do this OR that. Be ok with with saying no OR asking for help. I need to be ok with giving up a show or two (or 6). I need to be ok with buying store bought baby food instead of trying to make it now while fruit is season. I need to change it because I can't be the best wife, mother, employee, friend, etc, that God wants of me if I'm spreading myself too thin.

So forgive me if this blog is neglected more than I want. There may be times where my conjunction goes to "OR" instead of "AND".

• Menu Planner: Dinner at mom and dads, meal from mom, garlic ham and cheese sandwiches, chicken cordon bleu, spaghetti bake, pork chops, and ? (something quick because I work until 4pm, then we have to hurry to church, and Mike has to go straight to work after church)
• Create a new coupon binder - Work in Progress. Started by not complete
• Print online coupons and recipes
• Make and freeze Pear baby food - Pears weren't fully ripe yet
• Get groceries
• Go to bed by 10pm and by 11pm at least once
• Create photobook before coupon expires
• Daycare Stuff: Finish filling out Elias' papers, order from Scholastic, pack a new change of clothes for Colin, and start labeling Elias' stuff
• Big Household Project: Re-Paint side entry way
• Survive Week One of work

So not only did I survive week one of work, I survived without a single drop of pop!!! Now onto this week's goals:

• Menu: Dinner at Mom and Dads, McDonalds, Carrabbas for Mike's birthday, burgers on the grill, Garlic Cheddar Chicken, Bacon Parmesan Pasta, and breakfast
• Create photobook - certificate expires 9/27
• Make and freeze peach and pear baby food
• Complete coupon binder
• Go through Colin's old clothes bins {again} and see if there is anything else Elias can wear
• Go to bed by 10pm and 11pm
• Big Household Project: skipping something formal due to such a busy hectic week

It's been awhile since I've posted Colin's day at school. Here's his day on Tuesday.

Am Circle: Calendar/Story Time/ Zoo-phonics
Discussing school buses

Art
Decorate a school bus

Small Group
Things that start with the letter "O"

Science/Sensory
Identifying foil-wrapped school objects by touch

Music/Movement
Dancing with scarves

Manipulatives
Threading beads

PM Circle: Character Traits
Review how the Bible is useful

Language/Cognitive
Spanish Immersion