Saw this posted somewhere and thought while some of it is sooooooooooooo true, some of it is just plain funny - but still true :) Also with so many pregnant ladies around me, I thought they'd get a kick out of this too...
"Dear non-pregnant person,
hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.
1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.
3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…
4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman. (my two cents: AMEN!!!!)
5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.
6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World"
Dear Mommy and Daddy:
I come to you a small, immature being with my own style and personality. I am yours for only a short time; enjoy me.
1. Please take time to find out who I am, how I differ from you, and how much I can bring to you.
2. Please feed me when I am hungry. I never knew hunger in your uterus, and clocks and time mean little to me.
3. Please hold, cuddle, kiss, touch, stroke, and croon to me. I was always held closely in your uterus and was never alone before.
4. Please don’t be disappointed when I am not the perfect baby that you expected, nor disappointed with yourselves that you are not the perfect parents.
5. Please don’t expect too much from me as your newborn baby, or too much from yourselves as parents. Give us both six weeks for me to grow, develop, mature, and become more stable and predictable; and six weeks for you to rest and relax and allow your body to get back to normal.
6. Please forgive me if I cry a lot. Bear with me and in a short time, as I mature, I will spend less and less time crying and more time socializing.
7. Please watch me carefully and I can tell you those things which soothe, console, and please me. I am not a tyrant who was sent to make your life miserable, but the only way I can tell you that I am not happy is with my cry.
8. Please remember that I am resilient and can withstand the many natural mistakes you will make with me. As long as you make them with love, you cannot ruin me.
9. Please take care of yourselves and eat a balance diet, rest and exercise so that when we are together you have the health and strength to take care of me.
10. Please take care of your relationship with each other, for what good is family bonding if there is no family to bond to?
Thank you,
Your Loving Child
I come to you a small, immature being with my own style and personality. I am yours for only a short time; enjoy me.
1. Please take time to find out who I am, how I differ from you, and how much I can bring to you.
2. Please feed me when I am hungry. I never knew hunger in your uterus, and clocks and time mean little to me.
3. Please hold, cuddle, kiss, touch, stroke, and croon to me. I was always held closely in your uterus and was never alone before.
4. Please don’t be disappointed when I am not the perfect baby that you expected, nor disappointed with yourselves that you are not the perfect parents.
5. Please don’t expect too much from me as your newborn baby, or too much from yourselves as parents. Give us both six weeks for me to grow, develop, mature, and become more stable and predictable; and six weeks for you to rest and relax and allow your body to get back to normal.
6. Please forgive me if I cry a lot. Bear with me and in a short time, as I mature, I will spend less and less time crying and more time socializing.
7. Please watch me carefully and I can tell you those things which soothe, console, and please me. I am not a tyrant who was sent to make your life miserable, but the only way I can tell you that I am not happy is with my cry.
8. Please remember that I am resilient and can withstand the many natural mistakes you will make with me. As long as you make them with love, you cannot ruin me.
9. Please take care of yourselves and eat a balance diet, rest and exercise so that when we are together you have the health and strength to take care of me.
10. Please take care of your relationship with each other, for what good is family bonding if there is no family to bond to?
Thank you,
Your Loving Child
Never thought I'd be posting this week progress report! But here I am ... still pregnant!
Weekly update!
How far along?: 39 weeks, 2 days
Weight gain/loss: more than I wanted - up 18 lbs :(
Symptoms: what I can only assume is usual 39 week pregnant symptoms
Gender: hopefully not too much longer until we know!
Sleep?: barely happening. pooped often but just can't shut my mind off enough to actually fall asleep. averaging probably 4 hours a day but of course not consecutive.
Best moment this week?: being done with work until mid-Sept!!
Movement: somehow he/she is still finding ways to move around in there!
Food cravings/aversions: watermelon. have ate almost an entire watermelon myself in 3 days
What I miss?: being able to sleep and bend
What I am looking forward to?: the obvious - having this baby!!
Size of Baby: "it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.)" i'm guessing mine over 9lbs at this point.
What I’m nervous about: same as what I'm looking forward to - having this baby!! LOL
Weekly update!
How far along?: 39 weeks, 2 days
Weight gain/loss: more than I wanted - up 18 lbs :(
Symptoms: what I can only assume is usual 39 week pregnant symptoms
Gender: hopefully not too much longer until we know!
Sleep?: barely happening. pooped often but just can't shut my mind off enough to actually fall asleep. averaging probably 4 hours a day but of course not consecutive.
Best moment this week?: being done with work until mid-Sept!!
Movement: somehow he/she is still finding ways to move around in there!
Food cravings/aversions: watermelon. have ate almost an entire watermelon myself in 3 days
What I miss?: being able to sleep and bend
What I am looking forward to?: the obvious - having this baby!!
Size of Baby: "it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.)" i'm guessing mine over 9lbs at this point.
What I’m nervous about: same as what I'm looking forward to - having this baby!! LOL
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